Career Criminals and Pumas

One of my favourite bloggers – Katie over at How I Killed Betty (go read, she’s AWESOME) – is going on a big cycling adventure later in the summer and I suggested audiobooks. Quite possibly stupid as well as dangerous advice as you probably need both ears in traffic, but it brings me on to my next audiobook that I downloaded ahead of driving to work this morning. I love biographies and recently listened to Mikael Persbrandt’s (Swedish actor), Sanna Bråding’s (another Swedish actor) and Camilla Kuylenstierna’s (just Swedish) books – all three largely around the selection of addictions their authors have battled and overcome so therefore of huge interest to this little drunk. I very rarely read Swedish books beyond the one or two I end up picking up any time we go to Sweden, and as an old school book worm I’ve never really considered audiobooks but LOVE listening in the car so this has gradually become a morning ritual. Biographies that catch my attention tend to be those that chronicle difficult journeys. Anything around alcoholism obviously interests me massively too, given I’m an alcoholic myself. The most recent book and the one I listened to the end of yesterday was ‘The Gangster Princess’ about a woman growing up with drug abuse and violence, then became a career criminal herself (drug dealing, gangs, trafficking, the lot) before spending many years in prison before starting over under witness protection and a new identity. I find all of that stuff fascinating and the most broken and fucked up people with the most difficult and complex journeys seem to me to be the smartest, warmest and honest of all of us.

Anyway. I needed my next fix and in the list of Swedish audiobooks under the biography tab, I found my next indulgence: ‘Puma Swede – My Life As a Porn Star’. I’ve got Ron Jeremy’s biography ‘The Hardest Man in Porn’ on my bookshelves, which is a fun and fascinating account of a life spent screwing on camera as well as a refreshingly intelligent and insightful take on life in general, so I was up for listening to this hardcore minx telling me about her wild life. Perhaps I should outline my view on porn here, by the way? OK, here it is: anything that involves consenting adults where nobody gets hurt against their wishes and all activity falls within legal limits is cool bananas as far as I’m concerned. Think that sums it up. My view on those who participate in porn on or off camera is pretty much in line with that statement too: so long as it’s grown-ups making their own decisions and who take part in everything with their eyes open, then party on I say. So I started listening to Puma Swede expecting a lighter story than the last one of hard drugs and having your children taken away. So far, just a couple of chapters into it, it’s told by a woman who is hilariously witty and who with an keen eye for the absurd invites by leading us into the film set of ‘The Rocky Whore Show’ (yes, really) where she has a starring role and is instructed to do a countdown for Ron Jeremy’s money shot. It’s ridiculous and, as you’d expect, a little outrageous and she talks about quite daring sex acts as if she were noting the weather but she comes across as a woman who knows full well what she’s doing and owns it. Each to her own.

Well. Didn’t mean for this to turn into a book review – sorry!

I don’t know what I want to say about drinking today though. Still sober. Still enjoying sobriety and have no plans or desire to drink. I didn’t go to the AA meeting yesterday, Ivy wasn’t going and as I told you I would I found lots of other stuff to do. I reined myself in on the Lucky Boobies manufacturing line and went back to basics. Only I could be new to metalsmithing, try to set a stone in a complicated setting and expect it to be perfect on the first attempt. I realised how stupid that was and therefore created a little gang of plain little silver pendant boobies, instead of gems for nipples I hammered out little points and they look quite cute. Will finish the shapes later and sand and polish, then I could always put them on here and you can tell me if you know anyone who would consider wearing a little boobie pendant in public. Perhaps I should send one to Puma Swede? L’s husband actually suggested a smart way of getting noticed would be to send something to someone famous anonymously – the more I think of it, the more I like the idea. That might become my mission. See if I can get a boobie necklace to Puma Swede and see if she wears it. Watch this space.

Hold up, hold up…… DRINKING!! This blog is about drinking! Or not, as it were. But I really don’t have anything to say about it today. It’d seem life is pretty awesome and when I don’t spill my thoughts around alcoholism and sobriety out on this blog, life is lived quite happily without booze.

Today I’m not going to drink.