You know, I didn’t think anything could ever compare to sobriety when it comes to pinch-me moments.
Sure, Bambino is the centre of my universe and there is nothing that makes me prouder than how I got to be his mother. But he was easy. No, no – hear me out. Giving birth was a clusterfuck and pain I never want to experience ever again, but in exchange for this tiny little human being who has grown to be a wonderful young man? No sweat. Bring it on a thousand times over and I’d still come winning out of the negotiation. To love Bambino is easy. When he arrived it was like the heavens opened and nothing was ever the same again. I guess I did raise him – and OK, credit due to his father as well – but again, I don’t consider him MY achievement. He’s just Bambino and his brilliance is all his. He is his own achievement. I’m just the insanely fortunate woman who got to call myself his mother.
So whilst he is most definitely in the pinch-me category, it’s not because he is something I did. Bambino is of the pinch-me-how-did-I-get-so-lucky category.
Get sober, however, is something I did. I still feel like I’m lying, like somehow it’s not real, when I say the following: I have been sober 1,630 days. Four years, five months and 18 days. ME. I did that. I can’t believe it. Can you? PINCH ME.
And now we are in July 2022. And I am qualifying as a counsellor. An integrative therapist. ME. I did that. I can’t believe it and it’s just not sinking in. PINCH ME.
No part of me thought for a second I could get sober and no part of me believed there was even the slightest chance I’d be able to do this training and qualify. Not even the teeniest, tiniest bit. See, I want to rejoice and celebrate but I just can’t grasp that I’m actually here, it doesn’t feel any more real than 1,630 days.
Almost three years ago, in September 2019, I took a selfie as I walked into the college. I didn’t intend to look scared but it’s a good thing I’m not into poker. Look at this terrified woman!
And here she is now.
Three years on. I nearly walked out on that first day, and I’ve nearly walked out several times since.
But I didn’t.
I did it.
I was terrified but I did it.
There is more to say, so much more, but it will have to wait until I can actually process that this is real.
Anna – Sobriety Ninja & Integrative Therapist
Today I’m not going to drink.