1,594 Days

Hm… Back to that old tradition of putting my days sober as the title when I don’t have anything in particular to say. Really just popping in here because I for the longest time have kept thinking “I must post something on my blog soon!” and this time it really has been the LONGEST time since I last did.

So much has happened!

Well. I did write back in January, but looking at that it’d seem what preoccupied my mind was the Workshop of Doom and all the anxiety that went with that, as well as my thoughts around passing the FOUR YEAR SOBRIETY MILESTONE – sorry, it does need capitalising like that, because it’s freaking MENTAL that this is something this hopeless old drunk went and pulled off. And here she is now – ME!! – still sober and very happily so. Goddamn, that’s just the best feeling.

So, what’s new on Planet Anna? Not that I think there’s an expectant audience waiting with bated breath here in the blogosphere or anything, but this is the place I pour my thoughts out so if you have stumbled in here, an update is due. Even if I’m just a very insignificant little speck in the universe.

We moved into our new home in January and whilst Hubby fell in love with this sexy house at first sight, I was slower to warm to it. Now, three months in, I absolutely love it and I am so glad it was here we ended up, in this dreamy house with its dreamy name, where our huge terrace backs on to a stream. It’s one of those moments when I feel “someone pinch me!” when I lay down to sleep with the bedroom window open listening to the soft murmur of the water flowing below. Our belongings – paintings, photos, existing furniture – have found their new place, new furniture and things have been added – Hubby finally got his fancy super-duper BBQ and we’ve been having BBQ every night since – and it really feels like “home” now. Absolutely thrilled.

And we also have an addition to the family. We already have three boys and added a fourth: Rangi. He is a French bulldog and he is me in dog form: bit anxious and needy, quite scared of quite a lot of things, desperate to love and be loved, has a gentle and calm nature but with completely unhinged episodes where he goes a bit mental. Yep. Like owner, like dog.

Level 4 of the counselling studies is coming to an end, just this term to go, so qualification is finally coming in to view now. I’ve lost my mojo, as I always do in spring, but because I’ve gone at it like a machine, I’m up to date with all work and only have a case study to submit before the external assessment. No “action points” at all over the course of Level 4, so I’m in good shape too. Approaching 300 client hours too, so just another 150 to burn through after qualifying for that coveted accreditation. And best of all, I’ve been accepted to the existential psychoanalysis training I’ve been lusting after. FUCK ME, THIS IS JUST BRAGGING NOW….. Well, yeah, it is. It’s my blog, and I brag if I want to. Bite me. I’m happy and very proud. I spent most of my adult life in the pit of despair, so I’m not feeling even a tiny bit sorry for feeling obnoxiously smug right now. Sobriety delivers again and again.

Anyway. Adding a photo of the mutt for cuteness.

It’s not all sunshine and lollipops. There is darkness I’ve carried with me since forever, but I am working through this still and will be for a long time no doubt. And worries in the present that are at times all my worst nightmares come true, but I shall leave those things for another time. And maybe another space given this is where I tell my story, not that of anyone else’s. Only my own dirty laundry.

But there we are. Life is life. Mostly good, very exciting, sometimes painful and occasionally gut wrenchingly difficult, but always a gift.


Today I’m not going to drink.