Like Waking Up

Today is 3 years and 2 months sober. Well – strictly speaking it’s 3 years, 2 months and 2 days, but as I have mentioned many times before I count from the day I made the decision to stop drinking. That was two days after my last drink. I only realised because I was on the phone to Dad and he made a silly joke about avoiding Corona virus but quite likes Corona beer.

In other news, all is well and there really isn’t much to report. I honestly think I end up doing so much processing because of the counselling course, that I have less to spill on these pages. At one point, this was my main outlet and I blogged almost every day. So it’s a little sparse when it comes to blogging, but this is still my favourite place to pour out and dissect my thoughts.

I guess I’m in the midst of a “gentle roller”, as bgddyjim once described it. No extreme hills with highs or lows, just contentment and predictability in a comfortable middle gear. I love it. It’s nice, it’s peaceful and it’s pleasant. Gosh, when I was trapped in addiction, this very place was what I feared the most. Jeez, if only I’d known how great this middle ground is and I might have reached for it sooner.

Oh, and I now have a hearing aid! I can HEAR properly again and I now realise just how much I was struggling – it’s crazy! I knew I was struggling, obviously, but it’s only now that I can really hear properly that it’s so clear just how bad it really was. It’s glorious and I was so happy I ended up blubbing a little when the audiologist fitted it. I’d been told it might not work because the problem was something with the middle ear – I didn’t quite understand it, but I was told at one point that there was a possibility I’d just have to live with it, so for it to work was a massive relief. I mean, I’m a trainee counsellor. Kinda need my hearing. So thank God for that!

Hah! Getting my hearing back is a bit similar to getting sober and getting my life back. Suddenly something you may at one point have taken for granted seems like the most precious, wondrous gift in the world. Like standing up in the shower. Like waking up with a clear head. Like feeling well. Like not regretting yesterday.

It’s a good day to be alive. I am so grateful. For sobriety. For hearing. For all that is in my life.

Today I’m not going to drink.


12 thoughts on “Like Waking Up

  1. Getting hearing aids is high on my list of big events in my life – up there with the whole non-drinking thing. I just got my first replacement pair and I was astounded by how much I was missing out on even while wearing hearing aids. It’s kind of like when you get new glasses and say ‘oh yeah, that’s what grass looks like.’

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly!! I feel like I’ve stumbled into a whole new world – it’s the small things, like the little scratchy sound when I turn the pages of a book, creaks in floorboards, those things that I just never noticed (well, I couldn’t hear them)! 😊👍

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s really frightening to lose (and/or fear losing) a sense or senses. Before it turned out to work with a hearing aid I was really terrified because my “good ear” isn’t all that great and I kept wondering what it would be like if I lost it all. Isolation definitely. Thank God for how they can help with these things. So yes, yay for hearing aids and cochlear implants!!! ❤️😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I also love the middle path. It’s hard to convince newly sober people that being content is actually the best life.
    In addictive behaviour we cling to the ups and downs. Chaos seems more real.

    I can imagine hearing must be a huge relief. I can only imagine how isolating it must be to not really follow what is being said. I’m very happy this worked for you.

    It is like waking up. We just always need to remember that.

    Take care

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Good for you with the hearing aid. I am pleading with my parents to get tested and have one but they stubbornly refuse. I think they are missing out on so much. The middle path and gentle rollers are. just so lovely, warm and snuggly. I feared that place so much for so many years and I wish I’d been brave enough to settle there sooner. Sending love and hugs 🤗 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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