I have completely lost the spark when it comes to blogging. I’m not sure why this is – in the beginning I seemed to have so much to say and reflect on that I sometimes often wrote posts every day. Now, less so. I thought about what I might want to say when I hit this milestone – THREE YEARS OF SOBRIETY! – and it seems like the sort of time when I should at least list all the good things that recovery has given me. And yet, the 23rd came and went and I didn’t get hit with any inspiration to fire off a blog post.
Three days later, here I am. Do I have anything to say about it?
Has sobriety changed my life? Yes. Completely. Fundamentally. Overwhelmingly. Magically. Thoroughly. Massively. Totally. Absolutely.
Do I miss what came before? No. Never.
Waking up sober hasn’t lost its sparkle. Nor has being able to stand in the shower every morning. Nor has functioning fully with the lights on AND someone home lost its shine. All those things, and many more, still seem miraculous to me. I haven’t lost sight of what I could have lost had I not got sober and never have I failed to recognise how the life I have now is all because I ditched alcohol.
So do I have any words of wisdom? Don’t know. Probably no new ones. I can only reiterate what I’ve felt since really early on in recovery: sobriety has given me my life back and I wouldn’t change back for anything in the world. It’s so worth it, there is nothing about the drinking that I miss and I am so grateful that I finally listened to that voice within that I now know was there all along – not this.
23rd January 2018 was the day I made the decision. That was the day I knew in my heart I wanted a different life to the one I had been leading. My last drink was actually 21st January 2018. But I celebrate the decision. That’s the day that is important to me and what I celebrate.
If you are where I found myself back then, all I can say is that for me it has been so, so worth it. Sobriety has given me the life I wanted, the life I dreamed of and a life I cherish. The kind of pinch-my-arm life I get to have now. At first it was strange and uncomfortable but the rewards came thick and fast. There is nothing I regret about ditching booze except sometimes wishing I’d never been fooled by addiction. Then again, it was part of my story and it’s made me who I am. And would I think of standing up in the shower as a miracle had I not experienced all that? Who knows.
Here we are now. Three years down the line. Life is good. It’s sometimes hard and it’s sometimes uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel sick with anxiety and sometimes I doubt myself. But never have I wished I’d not got sober.
Today I’m not going to drink.