Caught My Eye

It wouldn’t be accurate to say I’m massively spiritual… ..or is it? I do believe in a grand design, a higher power I suppose. Ah well, we can explore all of that some other time, but what I wanted to get to is how I genuinely believe things happen for a reason. Not that it necessarily was always destined to turn out this way or that, but that people come into your life and things happen at the right time.

Today I am referring to Coachie, who, as you may have astutely guessed is a coach. No, this wasn’t on my radar AT ALL. Coaching might even be something I put my nose up at a little, it just seems a bit poncey, doesn’t it? Anyway, it came about from a thread on Facebook group for Swedes living in the UK. Someone had asked how people are and if anyone’s set any goals during this lockdown to work on. So I happily told the group I’m studying counselling and want to use all this home imprisonment for studies but also for writing “that damn book”. And poof! There she was, Coachie. She’s studying coaching and offers pro bono sessions as she needs to do this as part of her studies, much like for counselling we will go on placements from September. And I thought, what the hell!

Mostly I figured the more love you send out there, the more will also come back to you, and if I put my hand up for this it’ll help her just like I hope to get my foot in the door at an agency come autumn with clients willing to entrust me with their deepest thoughts and otherwise. That was my motivation, plus I was curious also to see how Coachie structures sessions and contracting as there are similarities I suppose. Indeed, our Level 2 tutor works both as a counsellor and also life coach. Of course, if she could help me get my arse in gear and write, that’d be fucking fabulous.

Well, it worked a treat and, oh, Clairei47! I’ve now written 6,000 words over the past two days! I had begun a little and had about 1,400 to add to that. How’s the running and who owes who now? Do you owe me miles or do I owe you words? Weehoo!

What Coachie did was simple and genius. She pulled out of me what I want do to but most of all why. She pulled it all out of me, the clever lady. It’s not by magic but it’s magical how much you can clarify for yourself by just having another person bouncing things back at you and challenging you. To think the whole world needed to come to a standstill before I finally got started… And to be fair, even if – sorry, WHEN! – I have written enough to start working out where to send it, the chances of it getting published are depressingly small, but that’s out of my hands. What I can do is write the fucking thing and do my very best – the things I can control, right? So ignoring whether anyone will ever publish a book written by Yours Truly, let’s work with what we’ve got for now:

Why do I want to write it? What might happen if I do?

  1. Someone just like me might read it and find a tiny bit of hope.
  2. Someone who loves someone like me, an addict, might understand a little reading this addict’s experience of addiction.
  3. If I continue to pursue addiction counselling/recovery coaching, having a book published is surely a nice string to my bow.

Operation DO IT:

9-11am, Monday to Friday, I spend writing. Doesn’t matter if it’s total shit so long as I write and do nothing else. No distractions, no finding other things to do to avoid it. Remember I don’t HAVE to do this, I GET to do it. Just like I get to be sober – HALLELUJAH! My daily goal is 2,000 words. If I hit this, I can stop sooner unless I feel inspired to continue and of course if I want to spend longer this is awesome, but two hours seemed like a fully attainable goal with a smidge of enthusiasm and discipline. I have lots of the former but none of the latter, but there’s a first for everything and Sober Me has surprised me many times now. If I can stay sober I can do fucking anything, no? These 2,000 words per day equate to 10,000 words per week and this means it’ll take me roughly eight weeks to reach the length of the average novel. This in turn, means I’m closer to reaching my why.

Off to a flying start, but I’m always good at getting all fired up and taking off at furious speed. This ain’t a sprint, so I’m trying not to get cocky although I’m sure my tone betrays I’m ever so pleased with myself. Well. This is the plan and you’ll be the first to know if I get stuck or find I couldn’t make myself do it.

In other news I’m now also officially a “befriending volunteer” for a local charity and will be assigned three or four people I will be calling to chat with during the lockdown. I guess it’ll be those who may be vulnerable, lonely, anxious etc. It feels good to be able to do something, especially when we see healthcare workers, supermarket staff and other key functions do so much to keep us all safe and well. Finally something, albeit very little in comparison and from the comfort of my own home. I braved the supermarket today as it happens, and as a store colleague passed me and caught my eye, I smiled and gave her a discreet little clap. She probably cringed and thought I’m mental but I figured I can hang out of our front windows every Thursday evening and clap and whoop all I like but at least today I knew someone I’m applauding knew that I did.

Gosh, check me out all full of myself and on top of the world. Do you know what, I’m so OVER this bloody virus and I’m so often feeling anxious and scared of what’s happening, so now that some magical things are happening I’m just going to enjoy this little burst of optimism and hope for the future, OK?

Best of all is of course that:

Today I’m not going to drink.

16 thoughts on “Caught My Eye

  1. Really welcome your positive vibes that come through in your blogs. I think I could be be doing with coach, no motivation whatsoever! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my God! Oh my God! You’re doing it! You’re really doing it! This is brilliant and it WILL be brilliant because you have every single ability plus a ton more. I’m so pleased for you. Writing is like therapy. As you know, I’m still bloomin writing however many months and years later, but I’m getting there. You will be fabulous and get this done because you have such grit and determination, plus a wonderful story to tell! Whoop whoop! Katie xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve just watched a ton of videos on structure for memoirs and my God why didn’t I know all this stuff BEFORE I started! Arghhh! No wonder I’ve been struggling! The title is down to two now (or maybe three!) …! Xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I just hope this flow won’t ebb, I’m in that zone where the words are just spilling out of me, so trying to also keep my ego in check and be mindful that the real test will be that pesky middle bit….. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m looking forward to it – we all need each other now and I like connecting with people and hearing their stories. That seems so ironic coming from a woman who spent her whole life isolating and disconnecting! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent, Anna!!! I just love your writing style as it’s so real and connects directly to my soul. Others will love it also I know. This world needs more “realness” of been there, done that, and this is what I frickin learned😎. GO FOR IT😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so lovely and kind, Dwight. Your writing connects with me in the same way you describe. Just about to sit down for today’s writing burst, but will need input at some stage. What’s it called, “beta readers”? *hint, hint* Hope you’re keeping safe and well my friend. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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