Being in recovery rocks for countless reasons, but as we’re heading into the very last of 2019 I discovered another little perk of being clean and sober: I don’t really have any of those health related new year’s resolutions to make that were the bane of my life before. I no longer smoke and I gave up vaping about three months ago. I obviously don’t drink. FUCK ME! That makes me healthier than the vast majority of the population. Oh my God, that just made me laugh out loud! That’s just too funny – ME, of all people. Fine, I still, and probably always will, eat like a truck driver but even so I’m healthier these days than most. I go running every other day on average, today being an exception in that I’ve just been for a 6k run even though Hubby and I went for quite a long run yesterday.
Is this even me that I’m talking about?? If the way I eat wasn’t part of that last paragraph I wouldn’t recognise this woman at ALL.
So yes, this is definitely a recovery reward, heading into a new year and new decade not with a tonne of changes I should be making but already in pretty good shape!
No, life isn’t perfect and I’m still Anna with her yo-yo moods and emotional turbulence, but despite the odd bump in the road and hailstorm in my mind, I’d say I’m on balance living what I might just dare call my best life…. …..yet.
See! You can have ‘yets’ in recovery too, just BETTER ones!
When I was drinking, there were just a bunch of really scary yets: I haven’t lost my job because of my addiction – YET (couldn’t have been far off!). My husband hasn’t left because of my drinking – YET. I’ve not become homeless because I bought wine instead of paying the mortgage – YET. I’ve not suffered liver failure or developed cancer because of drinking – YET. Drinking hasn’t killed me – YET.
Now that I’m sober, I don’t have to worry about the same yets. Sure, I’ll die one day but if I stay sober it probably won’t be because of drinking – I say ‘probably’ because I drank for a long time and I’d be lucky if I escape without receiving an invoice later on. And of course all sorts of shittery could befall me, but all of that is made a lot more unlikely now that I’m sober. I.e. when I’m not actively behaving in a way that really does attract all those drinking yets. The yets I have in recovery go something like this: I haven’t run a marathon – YET (although I’m not sure I want to, but you get what I mean – stuff like that isn’t AT ALL out of reach anymore. I could quite literally sign up for one right now and know I could put in the work to do it. It’d be hard as fuck, but entirely possible BECAUSE WHY NOT!). I haven’t written that first book – YET. We haven’t done our US deep south roadtrip – YET. I haven’t woken up with a clear head and healthy body tomorrow – YET (but I am pretty damn sure I’ll wake up exactly that way – AGAIN!). Look at just that small selection of lovely, cutie-wutie, wonderful yets I have all around me now!
So here’s to 2019 – you were my first year entirely free from the evil clutches of alcohol (I made the decision to stop 23rd January 2018) and for that I love you that little bit extra much. Completely alcohol free, you were! You sexy little minx, 2019! Mwah! And here’s to 2020 and beyond! Long may my recovery continue – by far and bar none the best thing to ever happen to me.
Today I’m not going to drink.