645 Days

All right, enough of the whining now. Decision made – I’m moving on! My goal remains the same, I am just rerouting my path to divert from Bully-Face. Some things are OK, some things are not and if I remain in a situation I find horrid and unjust, then I’m sending the message that it’s OK. So many people around me – most, in fact, in this particular constellation that encompasses Bully-Face – also feel there are things that are unacceptable, but I honestly feel that doing nothing in my case is paramount to being culpable when it comes to adding fuel to an environment that isn’t what it should be. Nah, not for me. I didn’t get sober to be treated badly.

With that burden lifted, the world is a bright and happy place to be again. Nothing worse than agonising over decisions and feeling down trodden, so I’m glad that this little shitter of a patch did what most shit-patches do: it passed. Things always do. I’m feeling solid still in my recovery so none of this had me feeling like I wanted to pour wine on it (besides, a good mood is my biggest trigger anyway), but it’s still worth taking a moment to point out how much shittier it would have turned out if I had! That’s certainly one lesson my addiction taught me – there is no problem alcohol can’t make worse! Being sober and at my full faculties, I can deal with life’s little curveballs. And so here we are on this lovely Wednesday and my heart is as full of sunshine as the beautiful autumn day outside. So enough of all that whining, and thank you all who commented and offered words of wisdom – it’s much appreciated and I took it all on board.

Hm, wasn’t sure what to say beyond that just now so just checked my sobriety app – 645 days today. One year, nine months and one week. Who would’ve thought? Not me, that’s for sure. In fact, had you told me just two years ago that this would be me I would probably have laughed in your face, then cried bitter tears once alone because the hell of my addiction felt so inescapable and hopeless. Fuck me, I struggle to believe that figure when I look at it. 645. Six four five. Me! I did that. Anna, the wine guzzling binge-drinker with almost daily black-outs. I did that. Sweet Jesus, I love my life, so here’s to many, many more days just like today to add to that figure, one day at a time.

Today I’m not going to drink.

Advertisement