I Was Worried About You

Can I just share a little victory at 627 days sober, please? One year, eight months and 19 days sober, my husband just said to me this morning: “I was worried about you“.

I haven’t heard him say these words in a very long time, you see. At one point he said them quite frequently. Usually it’d be when he was travelling and I was home alone, typically when I was drinking myself to pieces and deliberately switched my phone off so he wouldn’t hear me slur. I’d normally text him and say I was having an early night but I don’t think he ever believed me and quite rightly too as it was never the truth. I made myself unavailable so I could guzzle wine and he was probably worried sick every time, not knowing what state I might get myself into.

And now? Today? What were those words about?

Sober Me loves running and I took the opportunity this rainy Saturday morning to head to the park after we’d had some coffee. The light drizzle was wonderful – just the right amount of rain to make for a pleasant run. Towards the other end of the park I had really hit my stride. My body felt strong and my breathing came easy. Sometimes it’s just perfect and it just works. So I decided to extend the usual loop and as a result I was out for longer than I usually am and Hubby ended up wondering where I’d gone to when I wasn’t back in 45 minutes or so like I usually am.

That’s what made Hubby worry about me this morning. And it dawned on me what a huge contrast this makes to what he used to worry about.

I adore being the kind of woman who worries her husband because she went for a longer run in the park than usual. I’m sitting here with a smile on my face and feeling so incredibly grateful that I get to be that woman now. That I finally get to be ME.

Today I’m not going to drink.

11 thoughts on “I Was Worried About You

  1. Almost every time I go for a run, *I* worry that my wife is worried about me. I’m usually running trails, so if something happened, I would need to wait until I was really late before anyone came looking. I’m sure she worries all the time, but she doesn’t say anything. We just have this tacit agreement to keep it all to ourselves. It’s awesome that disappearing for a long run is now something to worry about. So much classier than down in a ditch sleeping it off.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. From the same side as your husband I know exactly how the worry feels. I see my son’s name come up on my phone and feel relief and/or dread, in equal measures and with a huge dose of guilt. Either way, it’s better to know than NOT to know that he’s still alive.

    You are a star and I feel so in awe, inspired AND comforted by your history and how far you’ve come. Thank you Anna xx

    Liked by 1 person

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